AirPods in

Archive from Hong Kong. 3 June 2026

I’m about to leave my room, the music is already playing.
I’m feeling anxious as I’m getting closer to the hotel exit.
Of course, my AirPods are already in. In transparency mode.
Quickly, I turn on the AC and increase the volume.

I can’t let the world in. No, not right now. I can’t handle it.
I’m outside but I still want to shut the doors on everything and everyone.

Stewing in my own misery until I can’t avoid talking to someone anymore.
The music is my shield, makes me feel invisible.
Stealth mode until I get my lunch.

Even my eyes feel like they’re working in reverse. They’re just ray marching my environment. But the scene around me is not an input really. I don’t register anything. On autopilot, taking couple minute breaks at stations before I move off as I can’t simultaneously move and pay attention to the signs guiding me in the underground.

Not even sure if I exist. (Despite that I think. A lot.)

Leaning onto a column in the underground doesn’t feel dirty and gross. It supports me, gives me comfort, holds me when I can’t be bothered holding myself.

I usually have many feelings at once. I only have one now. Maybe that’s why I feel like I don’t have any, I’m numb to all things.

The world is neutral and I’m calm.
Relaxed almost.

Sunday, 14 June 2026