Black hole

Last few years were the darkest. I couldn’t enjoy life. The things that used to bring me joy felt like a burden. Like I was kissed by a dementor. All joy was sucked out. Everything was grey, nothing excited me. Constantly fatigued. Cognitive functions reduced to just keep me alive. My memory was impaired, brain fog all the time. I was a true zombie.

But this time it’s different, I have the mental clarity. I’m not exhausted, but my heart pumps differently.

Normally it’s like a star, an almost inexhaustible source of energy, radiating outwards. Making the blood rush through my veins to my muscles and brain as I get excited about the things I love to do. And the energy that I conduct myself with in the world gets reflected back in everything I do or see. What I give out is reciprocated by my environment.

Not now. The source in my chest got replaced by a sink. The star exploded and collapsed into a massive, heavy black hole. The energy is captured, trapped within. Not only it’s not radiating out, I absorb everything without even registering anything that happens. I look around me but I can’t see the beauty anymore, or at least it doesn’t affect me. Everything just is. Not even sure if I exist. Only thing I feel is a vacancy, a vacuum. A lack of what used to feel life.

At least I’m not a zombie, I’m still functioning. And most importantly I know the reason why also that it’s only temporary.

Friday, 19 June 2026